Messy Stuff is Good Stuff

Now, I'm thinking of the "messy conversations", and to me that is exactly where this idea of the soft stone is at home.  To speak into someone's life means to find the courage to say the hard things but in love.  This idea is very hard for some people and easy for others.  There is a very important couple in my life who have full reign to speak to me about anything.  The interesting thing is one spouse struggles with being too nice while the other battles with ... let's say ... gruffness.  They are masters at it though.  No matter what the circumstance, they will push and prod with scripture and wisdom just to make you think.  If you're a leader in anyway, you have to get people like this in your life.  If you don't, you'll either give into the manipulators or actually believe the flattery or criticisms that are constantly brought your way.  The attitude of a messy conversationalist is one that you develop. 

Three ways to work on your messy skills.

        1.  Listen to what they are saying ... not just the words but the body language and tone. Is there a tear in their eye? Are there ears red? Are they having a hard time looking you in the face? To notice these details you have to be listening, not just planning on what you're going to say next.

        2.  Ask questions.  As cheesy as it sounds ask, "How does that make you feel?"  "What I hear you saying is ..." "What does that mean for you?" "What do you plan on doing about it?"  If you haven't helped them move past the problem, you let them wallow in the mess.  

        3.  Speak the truth.  Use scripture not as a hammer to beat them down, but to encourage.  To do this you have to read the scripture more than for message prep, "Ouch!"  Was that harsh? My bad.  Joshua 1:6 "Be strong and courageous", becomes the mantra for a "life speaker."  Say what needs to be said, but be sensitive to the limits.  Once again pay attention to them.  If you dont listen to them, it does not matter how much truth you drop on them if they're not in a place to listen to it.  By speaking too early, you may miss your chance to be heard.

Some days I am awesome at this, while on others I am terrible.  It's not that I dont like people, it's that I am afraid of messing up the friendship.  I want to be liked way too much to take the chance on speaking truth.  How do we find the balance and should there be a balance? Sounds like another soft stone to me.